The One Not Waiting

The kind of woman
I am interested in
Isn’t waiting for me,
Or anyone else,
To come and free her
From the life she lives,
For she is already living
A life she loves.
She is someone
With the courage
To venture forth alone
If she has to,
But also someone
With the freedom
To commit to a relationship
If and when
A suitable mate
Comes along.
She is someone
Who doesn’t let
Her fears and anxieties
Stop her
From trying new things
Or exploring
What life has to offer.
She is someone
Who lives adventurously,
A person who
Challenges herself
At every turn,
Always seeking
To better herself,
Yet there is serenity
About her as well,
A certain calmness
Bred of confidence
In whom she is
And her mission in life.
This is the woman I seek.

Once Rebuked

She was a young girl then
Maybe only eight or nine
When Tommy caught her eye.
Oh, he wore dorky glasses
And was kind of goofy
But something about him
Had her single him out.
In her intoxicated state
She dared to dream
All kind of fanciful dreams
About him and her
And what that would be like.
She pondered that
For the eternity of a day or two,
But was faced with one dilemma,
He didn’t seem to know
That she existed.
She made a fateful decision
And decided to let him know
Just how she felt,
So she scribbled a brief note
Asking him if he
Would like to go steady.
She carefully placed the note
Under his book during the break,
Then waited on pins and needles
For his reaction.
It was swift in coming
As Tommy waved the note around
For all to see
Making fun of her request.
She was mortified beyond measure,
Wanted to dig a hole,
Bury herself and hide.
She concluded that day
That it wasn’t safe
To express herself to a guy,
Or even to let the guy know
That she was interested.
Thirty years later
She was still letting
Her younger self’s conclusion
Run her life.
Freedom only came
After she began to question
Whether or not
Playing it safe
Was still her primary concern.

American Woman

She is a normal
All American girl
Trying to make it
On her own.

She has spunk
And she has pride
In who she is
And the life she leads.

She makes do
With what she earns,
Pinching pennies
And scrimping to get by.

She has a few friends
But not a lot,
Some guys she sees
But nothing serious.

She leads a quiet
And a humble life
Mostly getting by
Paycheck to paycheck.

Still she dreams
Of someday finding
A guy and having
A family of her own.

It’s a small world
In which she lives,
An adopted pattern
That grew comfortable in time.

Yet deep in her heart
She knows unquestionably
That there is more
To life than what she sees.

She is a wandering spirit
Looking for something
Yet not really sure
Just what she will find.

She is a woman child
Willfully strong
Defiant and bold
Yet silently crying.

She is a mixture of the ages,
Something new
And something old,
Values sometimes confused.

She is a dreamer
Who hasn’t given up believing
That somewhere out there
Is her knight in shining armor.

She is an American Woman.
Independent and free,
Yet often wishing
She wasn’t so alone.

Abundance or Drought

It seems to be
A feast or famine
Kind of life
That I live,
Especially when
It comes to romance.
There are times
When I am so
Profoundly alone,
Thirsting for someone
To share a moment or two
Or maybe a life,
And no one is there.
The harder I look,
The harder they are to find.
Just about the time
That I give up looking,
The tide changes
And there is suddenly
Someone there,
But it is as if
Somewhere far upstream,
A dam has broken
And a flood
Of interesting possibilities
Magically came out of hiding.
What I have difficulty seeing though
Is the part I play
In whichever of the two,
Abundance or drought,
I might be experiencing.

You On Line

There are times
When I feel
So very much alone,
Frustrated
And wanting you
By my side.

We have talked a lot,
You and I,
Enough to know
That there is
Something there,
Though we never met.

I have found
That the remedy
For my loneliness
Lies in the words
That you say
Each time we connect.

And it doesn’t matter
Whether or not
The distance between us
Is great or small,
It does me good
Knowing that you are there.

The simple words you say
Alleviate the pain
Of feeling alone
And cause me
To appreciate
The beauty of being alive.

What Must It Be Like

Can you imagine
What it must be like
For a mail order bride?
The fears she must face
When she is leaving home,
The only place she has ever known,
To go to someplace strange
And to meet some man
From a far away land,
Who may treat her well
But then again, who may not.
How scary that must be!
Burdened with thoughts
That she may never see
Her family again,
The courage it must take,
To cast her fate
To the luck of the draw.
Will the man like her?
Will she like him?
They may have
Corresponded briefly
But what will he
Really be like?
She must trust
The hand of fate
With her life!
That can't be easy,
But sometimes it is
The only way out
Of the situations
And circumstances
They face back home.

Standing by the Door

I see you standing by the door,
A picture of indecision,
Not sure whether
You are coming
Or you’re going,
Looking kind of lost
And maybe a little lonely,
And my heart
Goes out to you
Because I’ve been there myself.
I know what it is like
Wanting more than anything
To find someone else,
But the more we seem to want it
The harder it is to find.

Father Missing

Her mother died
Giving birth to her,
And her father,
In his anguish,
And his pain,
Fled the hospital
And was never
Seen again.
He never even saw
His daughter,
And never knew
She needed his love
As much as
He needed hers.
She grew up
To be a beautiful
Young woman
In the care of her
Maternal grandparents,
But no matter
How much they loved
And cared for her,
She still felt the sting
Of a father
Who never loved her
Or even held her.
She tried desperately
To find him years later,
But never could,
And in all probability,
He drowned himself in drink,
Never recovering from
The love he lost
When he lost his wife.
Now she is a young woman
Who tells herself
She has dealt with
All of that,
That she has
Reconciled herself
To the fact
That her father
Never loved her,
And now she searches
For a man who will
Love her as much as
She needs to be loved.
The only challenge is
A poisoned question lingers
In the back of her mind.
If her own father
Could not love her,
Then how could anyone else?
Only if she chooses
To interpret the love
He must have had
For her mother,
As the same love
He had for her,
Will she ever be free
To experience the love
Another man has to give.

The Frustrating Search

She is a headstrong,
Passionate girl,
On a quest to find
The man she knows
Is meant for her,
But she isn’t happy
With any of the men
She chances to meet.
She still possesses
All her youthful
Charm and beauty,
But there is
An impatience setting in,
A frustration
That the search is taking
Longer than it should.
She has had her share
Of disappointments,
But she still clings to
Her youthful fantasies,
Steadfastly refusing
To relinquish the dream
A finding a man
Who is truly interested
In raising a family,
One who will love
And cherish her
Through thick and thin,
In good times,
As well as bad.
She has so much love to give,
If the right man came along,
And she is bound
And determined
To search far and wide
Until she finds him.

A Failure to Connect

It has been a long time now
Since we first started chatting,
And I feel that I have gotten
To know you rather well,
And I think of you as a friend,
Yet somehow I sense
The distance beginning to grow,
And it saddens me to think
That we may never meet
And find out whether
The compatibility was real.
Whatever the outcome,
I want you to know
How much I enjoyed
Your company.
I always looked forward
To finding you
Waiting on the Internet for me.
I guess that we
Just weren’t able to
Overcome the challenges of
Time, distance and life.
Even as we grow apart
And a melancholy sadness sets in,
I am glad I met you
For you have enriched my life!
Thank you girl!

The Two Faces of Eve

I was cruising the Internet,
Talking on the chat lines,
Looking for old friends
When I came across a name
That intrigued me
So I dropped her a line.

She took my bait
And when she responded,
We did the usual thing,
Preliminary qualification,
Sex, age, location
And availability.

It didn’t take long to establish
That we at least had
Something in common
Which is a good place to start.
It was relatedness we sought,
A sense of intimacy.

She came on strong
And maybe a little fast.
I sent her my poems
And she sent me a picture
A little more revealing than most
Saying that was who she was!

I began to suspect
There was more to her
Than met the eye.
What I was looking for
Beyond that hard exterior
Was who she really was.

Thus we conversed about
What she really wanted in life,
Who she hoped to find
For I got that she was searching,
And how she hoped it would be
Once she found that guy.

Then I ask her
What it had been like so far
And what I heard was
Resignation and defeat,
A disappointment with life,
A deep pervasive sadness.

I came away with a sense
That somewhere below
That brash exterior
Lies a scared and lonely girl,
Not who she pretends to be,
But someone she wants no one to see.

It is one of the secrets of life
That you can’t find love on the outside
Until you find it on the inside,
And vulnerability is the key
To a relationship
That will set her free.

It is one of the paradoxes of life
That we build a façade
To protect us from hurt,
And it is the false show
That hurts us more than
Honesty and trust ever could.

Now I don’t know
If telling her this
Will help or hurt
But this is how
She occurred to me,
The two faces of Eve

The Thirteenth Girl

He was twenty-six years old
And had been a student
Virtually his entire life.
He came to the United States
To pursue graduate studies
In computer science,
But he had completed that
And a job offer brought him
To Southern California.
Now that he had a job
It occurred to him
That the time was right
To find a wife,
Settle down
And get a place of his own.
Having never been
On a date before,
Women were
An total mystery to him,
And he had no idea
How to talk to them,
What to say,
Or what to do with one
Once he found her.
Nevertheless,
His mind was set
On finding a mate.
Since he was a native of India,
A land where marriages
Are generally arranged,
Heading back home
Seemed the logical thing to do.
He presumed it would be easier
To find a suitable mate there,
But was in for a surprise.
He interviewed a few
Prospective brides,
But he was shocked to find
None of them were interested in him
And his chosen path in life.
Even in that part of the world
Women had a choice,
And that seemed to complicate things.
This process of finding a mate
Had turned into an ordeal,
Definitely more trouble
Than he had initially assumed.
He came back to the States
Empty handed,
But no less determined
To find a mate.
Once he got back,
He was confronted by challenges.
First, women of his race
Were decidedly fewer,
And far between
Here in this country,
And because his luck with them
Had been less than exemplary,
He decided to expand
The spectrum of women
He was willing to consider.
Second, and infinitely more problematic
Was that dating
Was an essential step
In getting to know a woman,
And he had still
Never been out on a date.
He asked a number of girls out
But each one turned him down
For one reason or another.
He rationalized the first few times
That it had nothing to do with him,
But after a while,
He began to wonder.
It seemed the ones he met
Weren’t interested in him.
Though his ego was bruised,
He persisted,
Determined to find
A girl for him
No matter what it took.
He was near despair,
When he asked
The thirteenth girl.
Much to his amazement,
She said yes,
And he was left clueless
What to say next,
Never having ventured that far
In any of his thinking.
The girl had to ask him
When and where!
He sought coaching
From the people he knew,
And the main thing he learned
Was not to take a date to
Burger King or McDonald’s.
He also heard women liked flowers,
So he picked up
One hundred roses
To give to the girl,
Having no idea
How many would be appropriate.
When the day came,
He still felt ill prepared.
He picked her up,
Then decided his car
Was much too dirty,
So the first place they went
Was to a car wash!
She chatted away,
Trying to break the ice
And get him
To relax a bit,
But he remained
Stone cold and silent,
Petrified by fear,
Unsure what to say.
Finally he apologized
Telling her he would likely be
A poor excuse for a date.
She snapped back
With an appropriate retort,
Informing him
She would have a great time
Whether he chose to or not.
That was precisely
What he needed to hear
And it loosened him up
So that he could enjoy himself.
That was six years ago.
They are still together today
Enjoying each other,
And laughing at the difficulty he had
In his efforts to find her.

The Search

I have never quite
Given up hope
Of finding you.
I know you are
Out there somewhere
Waiting just as
Impatiently as I am
For us to find
Each other.
There is a
Mystical image
Indelibly imprinted
On my mind,
Of who you are,
How you will look,
And the way
We will be together,
That keeps me
Forever hunting
And continually guessing
Who you might
End up being.

Fortune Teller

It’s not that I am
A believer in such things,
But all my life
I have been intrigued
By the mystics
And clairvoyants
Of the world,
And secretly wondered
What they might predict
For or about me.
My curiosity finally
Got the better of me,
And I visited one
The other day.
She started with
Some broad generalizations
That could have applied
Equally to me
As well as to anyone else,
Then proceeded into
Some intricate specifics.
She was way off base
On a few things,
But all in all,
She read my character
Fairly well.
She saw a dark haired lady
Becoming a part of my life,
And oddly enough,
That was the only part
I cared about anyway.
The fortune teller
Left me hoping
She was right,
But the question
She didn’t answer
Was when was this
Supposed to happen!

Absence of Love

I wasn’t present to love
When I grew up,
But I have a suspicion
It was there all along,
Hidden in little things
I failed to recognize.
The key to love
Is unconditional
Acceptance,
And I was
Too entrenched
In my resistance
To the way things were
To notice.

Single Noise

There are conversations
We have with ourselves
When we are single
And looking for a mate
That occupy our minds
Almost every waking moment.
When will I meet the one?
Where are they hiding?
Maybe I’ll find someone
If I go there or do that!
All the good ones are taken!
It should be easier than this!
It’s hopeless,
I’ll never find the one.
Nobody that I am interested in
Is interested in me.
I don’t have time for this!
It shouldn’t be like this.
Who wants to live their life alone?
I wonder what they would be like!
Well, no possibilities here,
As we instantaneously
Rate each person
In the room we are in.
We drive ourselves nuts
With our single chatter,
And only after we find someone
Does this noise inside our heads
Begin to quiet down
Giving us a chance to relax.

The Fish Tank Phenomenon

It seems a most peculiar thing!
We are like fish
Swimming in a tank
Filled with a multitude
Of other fish,
All swimming
Elbow to elbow.
It’s so crowded,
We can hardly turn around
Without bumping
Into each other,
Yet we are plagued
By an irrational sense
Of being alone.
In the midst of
Overwhelming abundance,
We live from
Absolute scarcity.
Our feelings have
Little to do with reality.
The barriers between us
Are all inside our heads.
While we swim
Bumper to bumper,
We search for the one fish
Meant just for us,
Oblivious to the school of life
All around us,
With many a fishy story
About the one that got away
And the one that did us wrong.
We are such fascinating creatures
Locked in our isolation together!

The Desperate Search

Sometimes we try too hard
To find someone compatible
And end up scaring off
Any suitable prospects.
We act as if we are incomplete
Without someone by our side,
And there is an air of desperation
To our search,
An intensity to our efforts
That is clearly visible
To anyone around us.
We go places
Where we hope to meet
The person we are looking for,
And they never seem to be there.
We read all the books
On how to catch a mate,
And they are as elusive as ever.
We try to fix ourselves,
To make ourselves better,
More attractive to another,
But the more we fix,
The more there is to fix
In a never ending battle
With ourselves.
It usually isn’t until
We finally give up
Our manic pursuit,
And declare a truce
With ourselves
And the world around us,
That someone shows up.

Soul Mate

The romantic in me
KNOWS
That somewhere
OUT THERE
Is a person
MEANT FOR ME,
My ideal companion,
MY SOUL MATE!
Within the confines
OF MY MIND
Lies a portrait of
THE RELATIONSHIP
We will have
ONCE WE FIND
Each other,
AND WE WILL
Each keep looking
UNTIL WE DO.

One Glance Is All It Takes

Stranger, Stranger, if by chance we meet
While on some uncharted path,
A moment’s glance is all we take
To size each other up,
But what does each of us really know?
Even in conversation, our distance grows.
We play the part, dancers on a stage,
Doing our thing, but nothing is done.
We speak our words,
But our words only hinder
Our hearing what the other has to say,
So strangers we usually part.
Once in a while, something happens.
We bridge the gap, if for an instant,
Our spirits touch, and we are moved,
Each refreshed . . . Fully alive.
I have seen it in your eyes,
When the earthy fires ignite.
A single glance was all it took
To know what words could not say.
In a moment’s eternity,
Intimacy was achieved,
If only in my mind.
No longer a stranger,
Now amorous friend,
By instinctual language bound.
A kindred spirit discovered,
Yet not a single word was said.
Should we meet again,
Let’s not let words get in the way!