Fairytale Love

Love was something
I didn’t experience
All that much
When I was young,
Or maybe it was
There all along,
But I just didn’t
Recognize it.
I was far more aware of
It's absence
Then I was of it's presence.
I had witnessed
Too many couples
Full of rage
And barely concealed hostility
Towards each other.
Perhaps it was then,
In my early years,
That I developed
A fairytale image
Of what love
Between two people
Could be like,
And I have struggled
With that image
Ever since.
Sure, I saw people
In the heat of passion
At the moment,
But it never
Seemed to last.
It wasn’t until
I was a student
At the university
That I witnessed
Two people
Obviously in love
After many years
Of marriage.
A girl invited me home
To meet her family,
And I saw her parents
Holding hands
And slow dancing
To the music
Of the stereo
With a sparkle
In their eyes,
Almost like a couple
Newly weds.
That was what I wanted
But I didn’t know
How to make it happen.
There were many
Short term relationships,
But nothing
Like what I envisioned.
I am sure
Most of the women I met
Were in search of
The same illusive dream
As was I,
And were equally
As frustrated.
It was like it was hiding
Just around the corner,
But the more I searched,
The more illusive it became.
When I met Cecilia
And we decided to
Make a life together,
There were moments
Of absolute bliss,
But also plenty
Of trials and tribulations.
We had to learn
To laugh at ourselves
And our difficulties,
But sometimes the humor
Was hard to find.
Out of that relationship,
Two daughters were born.
Those kids took over our lives
And often provided
The humor we sorely needed
As they battled one another.
I always assumed
That our marriage
Would last forever,
But that was not the case.
Cecilia got cancer,
And battle it for six years
Before she passed away.
That period was
A formidable challenge
For all of us,
And tempered who
We each are today.
After Cecilia’s death,
That fairytale love
I had always dreamed about
Seemed as elusive as ever,
And in a very real sense,
I am still looking for it today.