The Noise Inside My Head

That mischievous little voice
Inside my head,
The pessimist within,
Warns of impending danger,
Sounds doubt at every turn,
Is critical of what was,
Questions what is
And second guesses
Every decision ever made.

It is all wrapped up
In the struggle to survive,
Convinced that life is hard,
Full of pain and sorrow,
Suffering and despair,
That evil lurks
Around every corner
And screams out
That it shouldn’t be this way.

It is constantly
Judging and comparing,
Trying to keep up
With the Jones’s,
Telling me that
I am not good enough,
That I should have,
Could have or would have
Done better if only…!

The voice tells me to avoid risk,
To play safe or not at all,
To settle for average,
Some mediocre standard
That is good enough to get by,
To avoid responsibility,
To stay in my comfort zone
To not even try
For fear that I might fail.

It tries to keep me indecisive
Or confused
As it entertains fear
In all its mischievous forms,
Betting that something is wrong,
Looking every gift horse
In the mouth,
Waiting, waiting
For the other shoe to drop.

It tries to make me think
That I should pretend
To know it all,
That I should be someone else
Than who I am,
That vulnerability is a sin,
That it is better to hide
So that nobody knows
Who I really am.

It constantly complains
Saying it is overwhelmed,
That there is too much to do
And no time to do it
That now is not the right time,
That tomorrow would be better,
That it doesn’t feel like doing it,
Doesn’t want to do it,
Or wants to do something else instead.

It challenges me to look good
No matter what,
To feign self confidence
Where there is none,
To hide my insecurity,
To cast blame
Or make excuses
Whenever things
Don’t quite turn out.

It is the self-proclaimed
Master of my limitations,
Telling me how far I can go
How much I can do,
When to give in
Or when to give up,
Telling me to take it easy,
Not to try too hard,
To give up on my dreams.

The voice is also vicious
In its attacks on me,
Calling me odious names,
Belittling my efforts,
Ridiculing my successes,
Reminding me of my failures,
Questioning who I think I am
That I should ever commit
To do something great.

Once in a great while
The voice might have
Something beneficial to say,
The danger it warns of
May actually be real,
But as a rule
It is not my friend.
It is just
The noise inside my head.