Searching for Mama

His only memory
From when he was five
Was the hurt he felt
After his mother left.
He was one of five children,
And his mother
Was the only glue
That held them together.
After she was gone,
They were each sent
To separate foster homes
To fend for themselves.
He could not comprehend why
She had abandoned them
And blamed himself
As much as her.
At times he harbored
Anger beyond measure,
And cursed that he
Had ever been born.
He tortured himself thinking
That if he had been better
Or if she had really loved him
In the first place,
Then she would have stayed.
He spent thirteen years
Looking for her,
Trying to come to terms
With his rage
And seeking answers
For the questions he had,
But he never found her.
Instead, he found
The ability to make up
Answers to his questions.
He might never know
The real reason why
Things happened
The way they did,
But he could surmise
How it must have been.
It could not have been
Easy for his mother.
She was not very lucky
When it came to men.
None of them
Stayed long enough
To harvest
What they had sown.
Most probably never knew
They had fathered a child
Before they drifted on,
And no two of her children
Had the same father.
She was a single mother
Doing the best she knew how,
Working when she could,
Scrounging to make ends meet,
Trying to put
Food on the table
And keep a roof
Over their heads,
But it was obviously
More than she could handle.
In all probability,
She couldn’t afford
To feed them
And couldn’t bare
To see them suffer.
At least in foster care,
They wouldn’t starve.
Maybe his mother
Loved him after all.
Somehow that reasoning
Gave him the peace he sought.